In the (snowy) desert

"The desert not only reveals the truth about yourself but it also transforms you internally, and polarises your attitudes. The gift of the desert lets you overcome lukewarmness, because the desert forces you to make choices."

"The desert is the place and time for separating oneself from attachments, from one's own systems of security. A person wandering in the desert has nothing. His life's situation is uncertain, he has not securities, he lacks everything. He who crosses the desert experiences the necessity of being satisfied with what he receives from God and the necessity of awaiting everything from Him. He experiences the necessity of relying solely on God, because God wants to become everything for the traveller through the desert."

"In the desert, you come to know God who never abandons you. It is true the God hides Himself in the desert, but in reality He is very close to you. God is never closer to you than He is then. He waits only for your faith. He waits for you in faith, to stretch our your arms to Him."

- Fr. Tadeusz Dajczer, The Gift of Faith

These quotes really struck a chord with me when I was reading this book a few days ago. It's hard to describe, but I realized that what I've been feeling lately is ok. The desert. Right. Everyone talks about it, and I know I've experienced dry times that are rather desert-like before, but this is a different kind of desert for me, I think. Currently, my schedule has forced me to be a little bit more isolated, and that's not something that I'm used to. For the first time, I find myself facing a choice to deal with feeling isolated by: a) retreating even more into myself, relying on my own "strength", or b) making the choice to trust that God is present here and the He knows what He is about.

Realizing that I'm in the desert doesn't make it easier in one sense, because I still feel isolated and I'm beginning to realize just how much growing I have to do. At the same time, it is very relieving, because I know that there's a purpose for what I'm going through. I think I need to re-read Hinds' Feet on High Places though. I'm pretty sure Much-Afraid had to learn some of the same lessons I am right now.